I have learned over the years how important it is to spend time with your spouse. I got pregnant with twins three weeks after our wedding. Our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple was spent with me having “morning” sickness all day. Our marriage quickly became consumed with parenting. When our boys were finally getting to an age where they didn’t need us constantly, we learned I was pregnant again. We had a second set of twins four years after the first. For years, it seemed we were only “mom and dad” and not “husband and wife”. The little downtime we had was often spent in separate rooms, apart from each other.
One day, we both just realized that we missed each other. We missed spending time with our spouse. We decided we needed to make our relationship more of a priority. We set up a weekly date night. Now with four kids and little money, we couldn’t go out on a weekly date. We decided to do date nights at home instead. I scoured the internet for ideas, found a jar to label with “Date Night”, and printed off activities for us to draw out to see what we were doing that week.
Our boys know that date night is our time. At first, we would wait until our younger set went to bed because our older boys knew at that point to stay occupied in their rooms until their bedtime. Now we are able to start date night earlier since all four are a little older and can do their own thing. As with everything in parenting, it’s been adapting as we go and figuring out what works best. We have to change the night some weeks, but we always make sure that one evening is set aside for just the two of us.
Regular date nights have not only improved our relationship, but also shown our boys the importance of a strong marriage within a family. It’s helped us be a better example for our boys to one day look to in their own marriages. So often, the stresses of everyday life, work, and parenting take precedence over you and your spouse’s relationship. Kids watch and listen to so much around them, more than you even realize as a parent. We try hard now to make sure our boys know our relationship is important to us and deserves time devoted to it to make sure it thrives.
Reconnecting with each other, even just that one evening a week, brought us closer. We began to try to find even more chances to spend time together. Those times where we went into separate rooms became less and less as we remembered how much fun we have with each other. We started getting together for lunch dates when we could with all the boys in school. We would steal ten minutes here and there just to talk and laugh. Getting back to being a couple in addition to parents felt amazing. I have my husband and best friend back and not just a partner in parenting.
I strongly encourage anyone to set some time aside for just you and your spouse. Make nurturing your relationship a priority. Remember why you fell in love in the first place, laugh together, have fun, and really talk to each other. Trust me, it’s worth the effort.
Check out the “Date Night In Ideas” post to get some ideas for stay-at-home dates.
(Submitted by Melissa)
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